Did you know Ronaldo’s girlfriend was once the ladies kick-up champion of Brazil? She’s pretty too.

Just tap it in... tap tap tappy !!!

CConvincing darts simulation, right down to the selection of lard-arsed alcoholics and shaking hand.

mMouse-punishing 2-player fun to be had.

Anyone who's seen Cameron Diaz's lat trying to pummel balls at the doofus in the collecting van.

Possibly inspired by a mushroom-fuelled sojourn to the Thai islands, this guy has built a hellish future world where mosquitoes rule. You have to kill them all. Loads of different hardware on offer, a Moby-style soundtrack and some truly tough levels.

Pool, darts and shove-ha’penny are all ver For sheer satisfaction with your pub-based entertainment you can’t beat heading for the bogs and pissing a load of cigarette butts into a neat, orderly pile. Someone out there clearly agrees.

If you’re going to get anal about it, this is actually the later 3D version of PacMania. But geek one-upmanship aside, it’s the finest representation of one of the finest games ever.

Supposedly, this allows you to join a band and reRealise your childhood dreams. As far as we can tell, it is in fact your chance to produce utterly realistic caterwauling feedback until someone at the next desk stabs you hard and repeatedly.

                                          And in a dubiousThis Steppenwolf 3D maze game is so vast you won't be escaping for quite some time...   Very                                             impressive.                                             

CChess. No more, no less

When Aliens came out, the casualty wards of England were no doubt inundated with fuckwits missing a finger trying to emulate the infamous “knife game”. This is a much safer alternative.

Slightly jazzier and considerably harder version of the “worm” game featured elsewhere. We can only assume the high score on the front page was achieved by a passing Jedi.

Genius hybrid of the Deer hunter and scissors paper stone. Just feel the tension as the hammer cocks and another cute kid loses their brains.